Vanquish (2009)

I’ve wanted to play this game forever, ever since it came out. I remember playing the first level and the dashing was really fun. The boss had a bit of Lost Planet vibe with shooting the glowing orange spots and the 3rd person run and gun felt like Gears of War. So when Platinum finally released it on PC with hi resolution patches, I was excited. Then I played it. This game was WAAAYYY overhyped. Touted as one of the “best platinum games” I felt cheated. The story is lame and boring. The combat is decently ok, not really crazy fun like Bayonetta, just kinda more mindless. The boss fights took way too long and the enemies are pretty boring as well. Nothing about it screamed anything other than “mediocre as best”. Like I said, the story isn’t anything to write home about, but the voice acting is honestly some of the worst in gaming history. Sam (the main character) is a tool, through and through. What an unenjoyable piece of poorly written trash. There is nothing good or fun about him, It’s a character who you just hope dies through the whole game. Every boss fight is an exercise in futility because you have to keep him alive even though you are rooting for the boss the entire time. His voice is the most grating annoying voice I’ve heard in a game in decades. It’s bad. It’s awful. It’s absolutely terrible and whoever cast that voice actor should be drug out into the street and shot.

The game is ok, the story isn’t very good, the ending leaves it so opened/cliffhanger that it’s bad because you know they will never make a sequel so you feel cheated by the story never actually wrapping up. It’s like picking up the novel of Jurassic Park and stopping where the T-Rex tosses the explorer over the cliff and never finishing it. It’s pointless. The plot, from what I barely remember at this point is that you are helping the army fight the big bad guy. Then you and Sargent Bad Ass (who doesn't really like you and you don’t like him, but you two have to get along) Then you split up and he starts doing something shady. Come to find out that he is bad and turned on you. You fight a huge boss battle trying to kill him, you defeat him, then out of nowhere you try to save him while he is still trying to kill you and then he kills himself as a “deus Ex machinina” type of moment is played out in this cutscene, leaving Sam sad which makes no sense since you two were literally trying to kill each other two minutes ago.

I’m angry I paid for this game, I’m angry I sat through one of the most annoying character games in years. I’m only glad I finished it, so I know what people are talking about when they talk about Vanquish, and I’m also glad because I’ll never have to play it again.