BMX XXX (2002)

Ugh, the less said about this game, the better. Basically, this game was supposed to be Dave Mirra Freestyle BMX 3, but the change in nature, to a more foul and nasty tone led Dave to not sign off on it. He made the right move.

Right off the bat, you get the feeling this game was written by a pair of Junior High aged kids. So much of the dialogue and objectives have that sense of trying so hard to be edgy and offensive. This is the attitude that should be reviled in games, as it really makes the whole industry and its fans as well take on that “basement dwelling virgin nerd” stereotype. It’s pathetic and groan inducing.

Now that is out of the way, this game really is just more of the same type of gameplay that Dave Mirra has been known for. Right out of the gate you are introduced to a level and one of the first objectives you are tasked with is taking 5 hookers to their pimp, by giving them a ride on the back of your bicycle. Really. The pimp is dressed exactly how you think he would be, like he got his clothes at a discount halloween costume aisle.

You can also do normal objectives, like high score and tricks in certain areas, but the big story based objectives are all vulgar and lame. One such task is to pick up the pimps dog, do many tricks to get it “in the mood” and then drop it off at the park near another dog. A cutscene plays of the two dogs having sex and will continue to do that for the entirity of the level.

The levels are a step back from Dave Mirra 2, and yes, I know I keep referring to that game, but it’s because this WAS supposed to be the third sequel, and the levels in the second one are far bigger than the ones here in BMX XXX. Sure, they are still large, but nothing compared to the Dave Mirra 2. The levels also feel much less interesting and just feel like they were designed apathetically.

To finish the first level, you must go talk to the bouncer at the local strip club and collect a certain amount of coins. Once you get the coins back to him, you can enter the VIP section and view a video of some strippers… Ohhhh how interesting and not pathetic or desperate or scummy at all.

Once the first level is out of the way, the second level is a dam construction site. You’ll have to complete certain tasks like “Bring the workers to the toilets” and “help the engineer light the fuse with his fart”... Yeah… seriously. That’s what this game is, and it’s a game that I felt actual shame playing.

There is nothing redeeming about this game. The characters are all lame stereotypes, the levels are boring and uninspired and even the soundtrack feels like it was put together by a team of frat boys. Every moment of playing this game was a chore and unenjoyable to say the least. I really try not to play bad games, but this was one that still keeps the core gameplay enough to make it something I could throw on and knock out for an hour at a time. Hour long sessions were about all I could take in a single sitting though. It’s just a really bad version of these types of games, and seeing this really makes you understand why companies like Acclaim went out of business.