I Weep For Cinema

Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)

Notice: This is a review of a movie I have not seen. Since it’s a DC movie, and DC has been putting out crap for years, I can confidently write a review based solely on their track record, not seeing a single trailer or screenshot of this movie and only knowing that Gal Gadot, Chris Pine, Kristen Wig and Mando are in it.… see if I am right.

Wonder Woman 1984… where to begin? I guess I could write a catchy head line, like “I Wonder how this got made?!” Or “I Wonder if I can get a refund of my money and life back?” But I’m sure those have already been used up by many on the internet already. What I will say is “I Wonder why anyone is surprised” as DC has been pulling this crap over the last decade plus. 

How did they get something with so much good will so wrong? How did they squander the entire cast and love and admiration for Wonder Woman so quickly? 

Let’s get this out of the way, Gal Gadot is a spectacular choice for Wonder Woman, as she herself is regarded as an Amazon, and the first movie proves it. She holds her own and is captivating as a princess who doesn’t just sit around waiting for someone to save her….

Until this movie, as her performance shows she must have been held captive at gunpoint. Her expressions seem so lackluster, and her motivation was to say a line straight enough that they can’t register on a meter, or the cops will know something was up. 

The same goes with the rest of the cast, but in opposite directions. Kristen Wig has been playing the same exact “Quirky Awkward” Girl her entire career, as we can easily swap her out as the Rule 34 version of Peter Venkman and still get the same character. And that twist at the end making her seem like something else entirely… wow.. All I can say is wow.

The Mando, who has completely blown up in the last year, thanks to Disney turned in a performance so baffling, that the pages of the script must have gotten mixed up with this years other DC travesty Birds of Prey—er The Harley Quinn movie, as it’s now known as since they decided to change the entire name of the movie after the opening weekend. But back to Mando, he basically is so over the top, that Jered Leto Joker would be like “Dude… calm down”.

I just don’t get it, this had all the makings of a great movie. The first was so well done, and they just squandered it. How was this approved? The script feels like it was written by DC’s CEO’s 8 year old daughter, throwing in pointless love plots that make no sense, and feels more like a Halmark movie over a Super Hero one. And the CGI is so awfully bad, that I feel like I was looking at a Film Student’s first attempt at rendering After Effects. It just boggles the mind that a multi-Million dollar corporation could put out something this bad.

It’s just a travesty all around, the acting feels bland, the effects are somehow even worse, and the plot has so many holes in it, that even the twists at the end don’t make up a whole lot of sense. It feels like two separate movies that were glue together by a sleep deprived parent on Christmas Eve after having a meltdown trying to put their kids new Jungle Gym together, and they just said “Screw it, they are 2 they won’t know the difference if I just silly glue this in where it’s not supposed to be!” 

That is my feelings on Wonder Woman 1984, it’s a movie that just like Wonder Woman herself, just doesn’t belong in this time. Back in 1984, this movie might have been impressive, with some CGI that didn’t exist back then, but to release it now, in this day and age, it makes no sense… or it does, if you subscribe to the theory that I do, where Marvel has hired a mole to infiltrate DC, climb up the ranks and destroy it from the inside, with making the absolute worst movies imaginable.